Whoever is in your ear in the hardest season of your life can shape the season that comes next.

I have been thinking a lot about this.

It is so important to be conscious of who has access to you, particularly when you are walking through one of the hardest seasons of your life. Because the people around you during those moments can be make or break.

I have had seasons where I had wisdom in my ear. I have also had seasons where I have had to make shifts in the people around me.

Sometimes those shifts were my fault. Sometimes they were the result of circumstances, hurt, growth or other people. And sometimes, they simply happened because life happened.

This is normal.

People change. Circumstances change. Relationships shift. Sometimes you remove yourself. Sometimes someone removes themselves from your life. And there can be hurt on both sides.

But even through all of that, one thing remains important:

Be conscious of who is in your ear.

Because everyone gets something out of a relationship.

Sometimes it is personal gain. Sometimes it is genuinely wanting to see you grow because your growth inspires their own. And sometimes, whether consciously or unconsciously, there are people who are more comfortable watching you struggle than watching you thrive.

So you have to ask yourself:

What does this person stand to gain from the version of me that they are helping to create?

And perhaps even more importantly:

Where were they during the other seasons of my life?

Do they have the full context of your journey?

Have they seen the seasons that came before this one? Do they understand what you have survived, what you have learned, what you have lost, what you have built and what you are trying to become?

Or do they only have access to this particular chapter?

Because context matters.

Someone who only knows you in your current season may not understand what it took to get you here. And someone who has walked with you through multiple seasons may be able to see things that you cannot see while you are in the middle of them.

So again, I ask:

Who is in your ear in this season of your life?

Who was in your ear in the lowest season of your life?

Who is in your ear in your highest season?

And perhaps the most important question:

Who do you want in your ear as you move into your next season?

The Birthing Partner Matters

I think about this often when I work with women preparing for birth.

When I coach expectant mothers, one of the things I speak about is the importance of choosing the right birthing partner.

Because birth is not only physical.

It is mental. It is emotional. It requires strength, preparation, trust and support.

Whether your birthing partner is the person you made the baby with, your mother, your sister, a friend or someone else you trust, you need somebody beside you who can hold strength when you need to borrow some of theirs.

Sometimes you build that strength together.

You prepare together. You attend the classes together. You learn together. You talk about what birth might look like. You prepare mentally and emotionally for the journey ahead.

And sometimes you realise that the person you originally intended to have beside you may not be the right person to walk into that particular birth with you.

And that’s okay.

You can honour what somebody was to you during the preparation and still recognise that you need something different for the birth.

You can say:

“You were great during the process, but for this particular birth, I need a different partner.”

There is wisdom in recognising that.

Because if you want to birth something into this world - a baby, a business, a new identity, a new chapter, a new version of yourself - you need to be intentional about who you are birthing alongside.

Preparation, Pregnancy and Birth

Think about your life as a marathon.

There is preparation.

There is pregnancy.

And then there is birth.

The preparation can be painful.

The pregnancy can be painful.

The birth can be painful.

And none of it is necessarily linear.

You don’t simply sprint towards the finish line.

It is a marathon.

And it is deeply individual.

Your journey will not look like someone else’s journey. Your timeline will not be the same. Your pain will not be the same. Your preparation will not be the same. And your birth will not be the same.

So as you run your marathon, you need to know who is running with you.

Who is encouraging you?

Who is challenging you?

Who is holding you accountable?

Who is praying with you?

Who is reminding you of who you are when you temporarily forget?

Who can hold space for you without making your season about them?

Who has enough strength of their own that they don’t need you to remain small so that they can feel big?

And who is simply in your ear because they want access to the outcome?

These are important questions.

Because the people around you don’t just influence how you experience a season.

They can influence what you believe about yourself while you’re in it.

And what you believe about yourself can influence what you do next.

So, before you take advice from everyone around you, pause.

Look around.

Look at the history.

Look at the context.

Look at the relationship.

Look at their intentions.

And ask yourself:

Who is in my ear?

Because whoever is in your ear in this season may very well influence what you birth in the next one.

And if you’re going to birth something new, make sure you’re intentional about who you allow into the room.