I was recently invited to speak about the Art of Balance by Momentum Velocity Club Inside Scoop webinar.
It is always quite daunting when invited to give a talk or be in conversation about the topic of balance. Looking from outside in, one may get the idea that I have this in place and I abide by all the rules in my book… well… maintaining balance in all the aspects of my life really does take everyday practice and connectedness to self and a whole lot of self-care.
When I first came across the concept of self-care, I was a mom of two and 24 at the time. It seemed like a concept that was aspirational and too far-fetched for me to entertain or practice at the times. The ‘aesthetic’ of self-care was something I could not possibly afford – it required time and money I needed to seed elsewhere… to get my dreams going.
I remember crashing and burning and almost suffering a stroke on the eve of my son’s 5th birthday and having to reevaluate all that I was taught on being a self-sacrificing mom and wife. And the human my husband needed me to be as a partner in this life thing and the human my children needed as a compass on living life to the fullest, enjoying life and extracting and giving value. All a balance, a delicate balance.
In the relaunch of the Destiny Mag 2.0, I was asked to contribute to an article titled, Balance Bound. I penned the following:
How I came about finding my balance is pretty much how most of us as women do because we’re always expected to perform at peak and still have dinner figured out and next week’s play date, oh and what socks will work with hubby’s suit tomorrow. I fell ill worrying about everything, everyone and whether my boss was meeting his targets, ALL AT THE SAME TIME. I soon realised that there is a difference between being conscious about all my responsibilities and juggling them all at the same time whilst not achieving anything. I screwed it up when I tried to be soccer mom at Morgan’s school sports day and tried catching up with emails in between. I ended up with an upset son because I missed his pass and a half assed response to an email I wish I couldn’t retract and rethink.
I aspire for a fulfilled life that does not require for me to switch off from any one of my roles but be able to move through each responsibility I have with fluidity.
This required me relooking the concept of self-care. You see when done correctly, self-care is actually one of the least selfish things you can do. It is the right thing to do. It isn’t as much a moment or event than it is a decision to protect and cover the things that bring you joy and abundance with love and respect. I read somewhere that when we don’t practice self-care, we end up looking for the things we lack in other people and feeling needy and clingy on other people.
I remember at the beginning of my hubby (then boyfriend) and I’s relationships, I wanted to do everything with him and wanted to be everywhere he was – this was because the part of me that felt neglected was looking to him for that healing and that fulfilment. Therapy was my self-care here and journaling – these things helped me to identify my triggers and amend them.
When I was broke, my knee-jerk reaction was to be angry at everything and everyone resulting in moodiness and anxiety all the time. Once again, here, my self-care became saving, looking at investment options and emergency funds.
We gave away some R500 vouchers from our online store to a few ladies who took the Financial Check-up test after the webinar and I also requested that my followers share some questions that I can answer on the conversation of The Art of Balance and finances.
Here are three of the most frequently asked:
- How do you stick to your budget?
I have an accountability partner who is frugal to the core – my husband.
Get an accountability partner. Yours could be your financial adviser or a best friend or even your mom or dad. But find someone with shared values that really has the best interest at heart for you.
- How do you balance love, children, career, looking after the home and a social life?
My response in a Destiny Mag article was this and this still remains:
First of all, I’d like to dispel the notion that Balance means that things need to be in equilibrium or require to be in equal dosages. Balance is not an equal distribution of time and resources, but rather about intentionally selecting what needs to be achieved and how much time and resource needs to be applied to it.
- What do you do when your finances are impacted by you love language i.e. gifting, buying for occasions etc?
Self-care. You cannot pour from an empty cup. Does your love language drain you financially? It isn’t a love language, it’s a bad crutch or habit. Reevaluate.
See the full Momentum Velocity Club conversation below