Before marriage and babies I was that girl who woke up at 5am to clean the house, open the windows and make soft porridge. Well… Atleast it was voluntarily back then. 

Whether I would sleep late from a night out or sitting in watching tv or movies, this was basically forced into my DNA by my grandmother and mother. (It comes with being raised by a Colored and Xhosa blend. You were NEVER permitted to sleep in until 9/10am without being dragged by the ears). 

Now I struggle! No wait… Struggle is putting it mildly… I dread waking up. I have nightmares about my alarm going off and wake up in a 3am panic only to realize the time and I’ve wasted a minute of sleep panicking. So now I need to try dose off again and that’s another wasted hour. 

Because I had kids 18 months apart, I’ve struggled to get into a routine that would work for both my boys and this taking advantage of a nap any chance I get. 

But to be honest, I cannot afford to sleep a minute later than 9pm if I am determine to be able to drag myself kicking and screaming (internally) out of bed at 5am. But there are times where I sleep at 9pm or earlier and it makes absolutely no difference during my days. I have to squeeze in a nap before picking up the boys from school – I’ve mastered their schedule though. Including those afternoon naps. They are on a leash! 

But I’m waiting still waiting for my body to get routined into my schedule. I’m hoping by about mid-March, I’d have adjusted and an internal clock would have kicked in.

But I wonder, is it an age thing?

I’ve asked some girlfriends how they do it and are alive all day long. But the hilarious thing is, I’ve discovered that women are such amazing pretenders! You ladies are constantly tired and don’t even look it… Especially my fellow moms and workaholics. Some just know their weaknesses better than others! 

Listen, I could not hold my coffee until Morgan (my very very busy youngest son) was born… Coffee is now my best friend, confidante and I even know what good coffee tastes like now. You could say I’m a coffee connoisseur (that’s what they are called right?..)
So a friend of mine (I stole her from my husband?) who’s in her 30’s but doesn’t even look it says that in order to regain the daily need and demand of rigour and process her life requires as well as the need to put on her best life performance daily she needs her minimum of 6 hours sleep per night. Without it she would literally fall apart. (I know this feeling… I’ve cried in a grocery store before. All due to exhaustion.) Her perspective is that we’re not all the same, it’s all about knowing our weaknesses. When she was in her 20s she’s did it all; the partying and living it up… But now sleep is the most valuable asset to her. 

So what she suggests is to learn and grow into this with time. Don’t pressure yourself but you need to understand that habits form over time. Just like learning what to eat to be able to maintain your energy levels (which is still my struggle) or the kind of relationships that would work for you in order to thrive (my other struggle as well). So instead of spending a huge night out partying, it is now exchanged for a breakfast catch-up after a morning run, then errands. 

I’ve spent too much time worrying about not having energy and self criticizing rather than doing something about the tiredness. 

Even if I sleep late, I’ve started to create a routine; and one that even if one aspect would be missed like a late night and I end up sleeping at 12am, it would be normalized by a morning run. Great to know that I could still pick it up at a certain point and it would normalize the routine again. 

But the anxiety of trying to be an all rounder can be so crazy and stressful. But we can’t have it all right? 

We need to either choose to manage our time or let it run us and we’ll run out of options in life. 

Pah! Aren’t I just poetic… That last line! But can I have the 5am gene my gran and mom stuffed into me back please! ? 

I’m exhausted!! Anyway… Off to nap✌?️